


whiskey and white lies

by icemakestars



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/F, F/M, Healing, Heteronormativity, Heterosexual Sex, Internalized Homophobia, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Smoking, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, Underage Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 06:03:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18088805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemakestars/pseuds/icemakestars
Summary: Mirajane and Laxus are dating to cover up what their hearts truly desire. Or rather, who.





	whiskey and white lies

**Author's Note:**

> I DID NOT TAG THIS AS MIRAJANE / LAXUS DESPITE THEM HAVING SEX IN THE FIRST CHAPTER BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH GAY AND I DIDN'T WANT TO ATTRACT MIRAXUS SHIPPERS TO WHAT WOULD INEVITABLY DISAPPOINT THEM. 
> 
> Also, this is set just before Lisanna died, when Mirajane is 17 and Laxus is 21, which is why I tagged it as underage. 
> 
> This is going to be a small multi-chap about internalised homophobia, healing, growth, and friendship. Laxus and Mirajane have such a soft dynamic as friends and I really hope that I can portray that. 
> 
> I believe I tagged this appropriately so I won't add any additional TW, but I would recommend reading the tags. This was inspired by Erzajane week 2019 prompt - realisation.

They had only been dating for a week or so when Mirajane had brought up sex. Laxus had refused, blamed her immaturity or their age gap, but Mirajane had begged, pleaded with him, desperate to feel the intimacy which her soul dreamed of. Eventually his walls had fallen, and he had reluctantly agreed. Why she was so eager and he was so adamantly against it, Mirajane did not know, but now that she was underneath him she regretted making this decision so hastily. 

 

Laxus was warm, and heavy, and almost intimidating as he loomed over her, thrusting in earnest as their bed-frame rocked against the wall. The noise was too loud in Mirajane ears, and she did not know if it was that which made her wince, or the feeling of discomfort between her legs, present even though she knew it should feel good, that she should be  _ enjoying  _ this. 

 

Of course Mirajane understood that she was a woman, and a woman was supposed to want a man. Intimacy was just a part of that, and yet Laxus moving inside her felt like a violation; felt sordid and wrong and she hated it, hated the way her skin became too hot, almost feverish, in her discomfort. Mirajane hated his weight, and his smell, and even the feel of his breath against her neck. She wondered if it was the act itself. And then she wondered if she would feel different if it were any other man. 

 

The answer was clear. 

 

It was not Laxus that was the problem, and yet it was at the same time. Mirajane craved the softer touch of a woman, and not his large calloused hands. She felt no stir within her for his shock of blond hair and expressive blue eyes. Instead, it was long scarlet locks she wanted between her fingers, and an already generous bust pressed firmly against her own. 

 

Laxus was handsome, sexy even, but he was not what she wanted; what she  _ craved _ . And no man would ever be. 

 

How she had missed something so fundamental about herself shocked Mirajane, but in a way she knew that it had always been there, hiding in plain sight, a colourless and shapeless emotion that she did not know how to place. And maybe that was why Laxus was safe, why his lost and distant expression had called to her above anyone else. They were both searching for something, and Mirajane had found it. Now she wanted to help Laxus find his. 

 

The thin sliver of rubber that separated them expanded inside her, and Laxus convulsed, body stilling. Mirajane felt the sting of tears before he had pulled out, and when he tied up the condom and threw it in the bin, she saw him then for what he was; a messed up young man, a reflection of her own uncertainty. Laxus was a lot of things, but Mirajane did not believe that he was a bad person. He deserved better than this. They both did. 

 

When the tears fell, they were warm and large and Mirajane hated the sign of weakness. She was an S Class wizard of Fairy Tail, she should have more control. But this was too much, a battle she had lost, but the war was still raging on. She could still win. 

 

“I think I like women.” Mirajane blurted, wincing at how unsure the words sounded on her tongue when the clarity of the realisation had sent tremors rippling through her heart. 

 

“I think I like… someone in the guild.” On this, her voice was strong, and that made her relax slightly. Just knowing that her aversion to the other woman was a coping mechanism, that her jealousy was just misdirected lust, eased her mind slightly. Any step to understanding herself was of benefit to Mirajane, and she basked in the triumph of it. 

 

“Erza.” Laxus said, monotonous but not accusing. Hesitantly, Mirajane nodded her head twice. 

 

Laxus lit a cigarette, took a long drag, and then perched himself on the edge of the mattress. Mirajane mirrored his movement, facing away from him, as the uncomfortable quiet stretched on. 

 

She head Laxus inhale another cloud of smoke, and then he spoke so quietly Mirajane wondered if she had heard it at all. 

 

“I think I like someone else, too.” 

 

For the first time, Laxus seemed vulnerable, more like a scared child than the confident wizard she knew. The facade was clear, and one she knew well; Mirajane had worn the thinly veiled mask of arrogance, of delinquent behavior and feigned happiness, for as long as she had been in the guild. It made sense that Laxus would be doing it as well, that their attraction to one another was nothing more than misplaced convenience, a sense of feeling safe around each other. If neither could have who they desired, they opted for someone that would not bring any unwanted attention to what their hearts truly wanted. 

 

And it was obvious, really, when Mirajane allowed her mind to wander. She had spent so much time with Laxus and his team, and yet she had only seen what she had wanted to, what benefited her the most. The truth had been lost, until now. She wiped her eyes, took a long inhale of breath as Laxus snubbed out his cigarette. 

 

“Is it… Freed?” Mirajane asked slowly, voice cracking and unsure. 

 

At that, Laxus’ head snapped up, eyes wide and wet and nostrils flaring. Mirajane flinched away from him.

 

“You shut your fucking mouth.”

 

The silence did not settle between them, it jumped, restless, a ball of energy and confusion as they sat there, naked bodies facing away from one another. It was intense, and overwhelming, and Mirajane felt sick. 

 

She eased herself from the bed, collected her clothes as she went, and Laxus did not try and stop her; did not say a word. 

 

At the doorway, she paused, but did not have the strength to turn and face him as she spoke, 

 

“I’m gonna go now, Laxus, and I don’t think we should see each other anymore. We clearly have a lot to sort through, and this isn’t healthy for either of us.”

 

The door had not closed when Laxus began to cry angry, fitful sobs, but still Mirajane walked away anyway, knowing that her comfort would mean nothing to him, not right now, when they were both so messed up; so unsure. The smell of cigarette smoke lingered like her own anxiety, and she was keen to wash both from her skin. Mirajane knew that one was sure to remain. 

 

Once she had dressed, Mirajane allowed herself a moment to breathe, to wipe away the redness that was forming on her cheeks into something that resembled a youthful blush, and then forced a smile as she walked back to the guild, the mask she donned already stitching itself back in place. 


End file.
